torsdag 24 maj 2012

Time to be serious, the art of depression

This post is about beeing serious, it´s about painting, taking care of yourself and about life.
Not many of you readers know much about me more then I paint some minis once in a while. This is a few word why and some thought´s about the purpose of my painting.
I start from the beginning. I have been intresded in table top games since the mid 90´s. I have never been much of a gaming, but insted I enjoyd to collect the minis, planing an army but rarely got the time to play a game or two. I have been of and on this hobby for some years, but I always seems to find my way back. This is something I know.

Last autum something happened, call i a life tragedy if you will. The result was the same, I feel into a deep depression. I had to struggle with the everyday tasks just to function, the result was that after a few month´s I went home from work. that´s the bakground of what I wanted to talk about. The next part is handling your inner beeing with art.

Having enourmous problems with simply thing´s like reading, painting was not something I couldn´t do for more than a few minutes at a time. My motiviation was missing, inspiration gone and my belives in myself lost. Still I tried to paint, "this I know", I keept telling myself and slowly as the weeks went by, something happened. I found out that the preperation work on a mini was kind of therapy for me, a symbol of something new. So I tried to prep minis for a while almost every day. the painting followed as I slowly begun to put layer after layer of paints on miniatures. Still the concentration was a big problem, you all know that you won´t get much painting done if you only would sit about 15 minutes at the time. This to improved as the weeks went by. I still have problems sitting longer than 30 minutes but I have embraced that feeling and try to say to myself that it´s an improvement instead of "why can´t you do some more?".

Long story short, nowday´s I can see a plan with some miniatures, I can visualize the mini beeing painted, and that´s a huge step for me! Mainly because that have helped me to set up a plan for my self, and my life. In a few word, my conclusion. Handling a depression is painfull and it eat you alive if you don´t find the tools for it. For me the first step was to raise my confidence in myself. I do that by painting. Small thing´s that makes you say "it´s good" instead of saying "what could I have done differently?" will in time bring you back to the person you once was, or even a better one!

What I want to say is, I take responsibility for my life, I´m handling my depression, one mini at a time. What´s working for doesn´t have to work for another, but somehow I have found a small path throu this dark lands into the light again. This isn´t entierly the thruth, there is another thing that have helped me a lot wich I don´t talk about a lon online, my two kids. They are fantastic, and without them the will to walk throu this and come out of it as a stronger person wouldn´t have been there at all.

So if some of you had the intrest of reading all this text. Thank you, I wouldn´t been here without all encouraging word both on this blog and on other forum as well. You can help a stranger even without knowing it.

Untill next time, happy painting and take care.

1 kommentar:

  1. Grymt skrivet kompis, jag vet hur tunkt det kan vara att sitta och föröska få något gjort. när man känner sig helt tom och död inom bords, jag sitter själv och förösker att hitta den inre motivationen att göra saker.

    Och det är ännu svårare att hitta den när man får stora tunga räkningar som radar sig och man inte har någora prngar kvar på kontot och hjälp är inte lätt att hitta. Att hitta kraften för att klara sig varje dag är ganska svårt, och det är svårt när alla går hem och man sitter helt ensam i rumet med alla tankar i huvet.

    Det är den biten som jag har svårt med tankarna som går och den ångset som bara bygger upp, och man måste fixa saker för att klara sig till nästa månad.

    att det finns massa EMO ungar som drömer att må dåligt och ha det cp svårt i livet. tycker jag är ganska blåsta och jag vill bara slå dom på käften och säga att dom ska gå klippa sig och tacka att dom lever och har det bra.

    förlåt att jag skriver så mycket om mig själv just nu. det har varit svårt att kunna vara där vid din sida när man bor så långt bort, jag hade velat hjälpa dig mycket mer än vad jag har gjort.

    krya på dig kompis och det är bara att höra av sig om du vill prata lite gran. stort grattis med i the fang, det var bra att du tog hem lite priser. man behöver sånt ibland. Jag van inget där men jag har en halv disply hylla på arcan med bara mina saker. så jag fick min vinnst jag med :D

    puss o kram bästa Denniz !!!!!!!